hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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