Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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