hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
