Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
