You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
