tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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