I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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