I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
