It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
