I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
