Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
