tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
