That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
