I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
