I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
