This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
