We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
