LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
