It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
