glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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