So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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