Nicole vs. Life
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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