so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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