I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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