So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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