don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
