That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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