just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
