Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
