During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
