do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
