You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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