I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
