is your mom at the bar?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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