ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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