Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
