Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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