So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
