ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
