I feel like abortions should bother me more
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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