I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
