I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
