My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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