dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
