party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
There are leaves in my underwear?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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