I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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