Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
