No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
