So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
