Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
