you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
