I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
