Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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