Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
