My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
