Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
