You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
