Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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