My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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