So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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