I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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