My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
