I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
