You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
