dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
