ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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