I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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