dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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