Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
