This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize