There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize