Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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