She said her name was "party"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
dude. I can hear the air.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
