Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I touched a dick in church today
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
