with your own penis?
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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