6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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