i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
