wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
