Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
